I’ve wanted to go to grad school since the moment I graduated with my BA back in 2012.

Unfortunately, due to complications (like no real aim or money), my grad school dreams fell by the wayside. I lazed around for a year before getting into education and taking a course to become a teacher — something that I finally realized wasn’t my calling back in April. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, only that I wanted to go back to school. Another history degree (a MA to follow my BA and AA) made the most sense.

But then —

My history degree doesn’t actually let me do much? I can’t work in my field and I don’t teach and well… I have no time to put that history knowledge and research ability into play in my writing the way I wanted to. 

But an idea slowly started forming in my head. I like writing about superheroes and intersecting aspects of identity. Comic books should be diverse and they’re getting there. I wanted to turn my blog and my posts on social media into a working thesis and eventually publish actual scholarly works about comics. I wanted to focus my academic career on the thing that I hoped would eventually become my actual career.

The desire to actually get off my butt and go back to school is something that I owe entirely to my older sister and my best friend. I want to write. I miss researching and writing papers and just being in the classroom environment as a student. I miss Miami. I miss it so much. Sure, many of my Miami friends have moved on but I feel like my connection to city never will — even though my grasp of Spanish is middling at best.

At some point within the next month, I will know if I have gotten in to a MA Program for Literature and I’ll know whether I need to apply for housing and a job in Miami.

I’m scared.

I’m worried.

What if they don’t like my personal essay?

What if they don’t like my Shakespeare paper?

What if they don’t like me?

I’ve spoken to everyone who’s anyone in the English department prior to my application and I’ve worked hard to make sure that everything is in place. I know what I want to study (intersections of identity in comic books, early 20th century pulps, and/or romance novels). Now all I need is for this school to accept me for the Spring 2016 semester.

Hopefully the application goes through smoothly.

Keep your collective fingers crossed for my sucess?