As you all know, I am largely on social media hiatus. As a result, I have been making use of the Disney+ membership I got Meems so she could watch Wandavision. (Which is very good but Wanda is whitewashed – to an extent, it feels like the wrong word here but I don’t know what fits – in the casting and that’s not going away any time soon.) Anyway, in watching all of the MCU movies except the Spider-Man ones as they don’t seem to be on the platform, I have come to experience a deep loathing for Infinity War and Endgame.

So now, instead of doing literally anything else I am supposed to be doing, I bring you… a list of loathing.

• Hawkeye should have died. Hawkeye absolutely should’ve yeeted himself off of that cliff and sacrificed himself for the greater good of humanity or what the fuck ever. Everyone in the world after Thanos’ snap has trauma and they all dealt with it in different ways, but Hawkeye’s way of coping was to murder people – conveniently yakuza and other “undesirables” he felt should’ve been evaporated instead of his family. Who does that? And then it’s all framed as Hawkeye living because he deserves to go back to his family and that he has value because of their existence while Natasha, thanks to Joss Whedon’s misogynistic mug, has no value because she ~can’t~ have a biological family. What the entire heck, y’all?
• Steve Rogers has no common sense. We knew this from day one, of course. Very lovely man, enjoy looking at him if I turn my brain off and pretend he’s not walking, talking US Military Propaganda somehow… but the dude has nothing in the way of common sense. He can’t. Not if his grand old brilliant idea was to… go back in time and get his happy ending with Peggy. He went back to the past, absolutely derailed history and Peggy’s Life to slot himself into it without even a quick “hey if I come back will you be into that even though it means not having the loved life you did have” onscreen. NONSENSE!
• This was the movie with the blink and you miss it “gay representation” right? Duck that shit. And no, that’s not autocorrect. I just can’t type. We’re over a decade into the MCU and we’re still getting ~wink wink, nudge nudge~ queer representation. That is some straight up bullshit. We deserve better than what we’ve gotten. Marvel Comics does have queer characters who could’ve been introduced years ago as main characters. Instead, repeatedly, queer characters are one-offs, killed on screen, minor joke characters, and do not get to show that their stories matter too.
• Fat Thor. Why? Just… I know there are people who are like “I saw myself in him and that’s why this isn’t problematic” and as with other PickMes, I will say… shush. Thor gaining weight in his grief is a punchline I wish would’ve been dropped because of how fat people are turned into jokes. Endlessly. It would’ve been enough to have Thor drinking as a coping mechanism and healing from That especially because of how much Earth alcohol he’d have to drink to have it effect him.
• Actually I’m still on the Natasha thing. Oh my god I don’t even like ScarJo like that and I’m mad on her behalf because Natasha has deserved better from the moment she was introduced in Iron Man 2 as a sexy spy. The fact is that they didn’t even do something that made sense because Natasha and Gamora’s deaths serve to orient men’s feelings about them, they both were sacrificed for a man’s goals, and then they both have movies coming out whenever movies start coming out again for the MCU. It makes no sense to have them killed off before their next movies and then if you’re bringing them back in films set post Endgame, that makes their shitty sacrifice extra hollow. And if they’re in a film set before that film… what even is the point?
• Genuinely, I wrote all of that and was like “wait, is Gamora actually dead” because they failed so hard at plotting this film that I was unsure. How are they so bad at this.
• Loki’s dead right? Like we watched him get stabbed. He and half of the other Asgardians are dead. So how is Loki getting a show? I refuse to watch whatever they’ve said about the upcoming show but please see my bullet point about Gamora and Natasha for those feelings.
• Okay so who else realized that largely, there are next to no people of color in the MCU main movies and that in Infinity War and Endgame specifically, there’s rarely more than one person of color onscreen at a time and they tend not to talk to other POC either? Yeah, I shouted when the Wakandans showed up and all the different mystical apprentices and shit dropped in, but… People of color largely were afterthoughts in this film and it is tiring.
• These movies really do continue the MCU trend of undoing the growth in single-character films and I am annoyed. Tony, Steve, and even Scott all suffered from being part of an ensemble movie by people who thought the comic book crossovers of the 90s were good storytelling.
• Why is Endgame three hours long?