Imagine being so incensed by some random person on the internet’s almost two-year-old review of a pilot episode of a show that’s now starting season two that you write them not one but TWO separate comments explaining in detail how subpar you view their intelligence and accusing them of being easily traumatized by media.

Monday, after my mother and I finally got back home after waiting out Hurricane Irma in a shelter, some random person on the internet decided that that was the best time to try and school me on my initial review of Lucifer’s pilot episode.

This woman, Rayne, wrote me two separate comments insulting my intelligence, my ability to understand dark aspects of fiction, and my understanding of misogyny and anti-black racism as a Black woman. Their two comments were insulting and unwarranted and at no point bothered to point out actual issues with my review (like the fact that I based my review on a leaked pilot episode…).

And this was all over a review I originally wrote two years ago for a show that I’ve since watched past the pilot and found interesting (if predictable).

Clearly, Rayne wanted attention so that’s exactly what I’m going to give her.

Join me in dissecting her comments and feel free to make fun of them in the process.

Their comment opens with one of the two moments where Rayne concedes that maybe I’m not entirely incorrect, by saying that “Ok. I’ve seen this series and it sucks, though not fo all the reasons you mention.”

Almost two years after Lucifer first aired, I wouldn’t say that the show sucks. It’s not Smallville, but I mean, that’s the show that set the bar for ridiculous superhero shows. The problems that I bring up in my review were explicitly about the pilot alone, though. I wasn’t saying that the entire show would be this much of a hot mess, only that I wasn’t willing to sit around and wait to be proven wrong.

Rayne then goes on to be mad racist.

Like…

Really racist, yall.

With the risk of sounding racist, which I’m not in the least, I knew without seeing your picture that you would be a female of African descent. Because seriously only females of African descent could get so insulted by this “racism” as you are.’

Rayne isn’t racist, but she totally knew without seeing my picture that I would be “a female of African descent” because I was talking about racism in a show that she doesn’t even like. I wasn’t ”insulted” by the racism in Lucifer’s pilot. I was annoyed. There’s a difference.

One that Rayne doesn’t seem capable of grasping.

The comments that Rayne is referring to, from my Lucifer review refer to the titular character being a condescending douche to a bunch of Black rappers and announcing that he doesn’t like rap music. Excuse me for being annoyed that white people a world over feel the need to constantly announce how distasteful they find rap music and how subpar hip-hop is as a whole. It’s not like people don’t literally spill their deep-seated hatred of rap music at me the second they hear me listening to rap music.

Oh wait…

They do.

All the damn time.

So forgive me for expecting the Devil not to be a racist, but while I didn’t expect Lucifer to be into rap music (because of his whole piano lounge vibe), I also didn’t expect him to be a dick about it. I was quickly proven wrong.

Rayne disagrees that barging into a Black rapper’s home and talking shit about rap music is in any way racist, writing that:

 I’m sorry but disliking hip hop music and more specifically this guys hip hop music with his gun toting posse… is NOT racism. It’s merely saying dude your music specifically sux. If it had been a black dude saying to a white rapper you music sux, nobody would have even spoken about racism.

People like Rayne would’ve claimed racism. We know this. Because every time a white person doesn’t rise to the top as the next Eminem or Vanilla Ice, they blame the mean ole Black rappers that just want to keep them at the bottom of the hip hop charts. And their white fans leap to coddle them and accuse Black people of racism.

Rayne then tells me to “[…] honestly put your too easily hurt feelings away” despite writing me a couple hundred words exhibiting HER hurt feelings about a review so old that I’ve finished THREE separate semesters of graduate school since then. (With straight As, natch.)

Wow.

Rayne then goes off on this weird ramble about how it’s a malady of this time that we apparently “cry racism for ever little criticism given to a person of different origins than European”.

Rayne puts the word “white” in quotation marks a moment later because… whiteness isn’t real?

Or something.

And if you weren’t sure about Rayne’s ethnicity from the fact that she proceeded to lecture me about racism, she helpfully clarifies that by saying that, “[…] yes, you’ll think but I’ll even say it, I am as you ascertained correctly of European descent and yes, I too have the right to pronounce myself on Racism without being a racist, being white and all.”

Rayne’s out here acting like being of “European descent” makes her so damn sparkly special but meanwhile, I’ve got maternal Dutch ancestry and my paternal grandparents were British citizens. Being of European descent isn’t anything to brag about… all things considered.

Then Rayne decides to tackle misogyny in Lucifer. Namely, that the real problem wasn’t that Lucifer objectified Lauren German’s Chloe at every chance he gets, but that German was a shitty actress. She literally says that I’m “so riled up about the sexually inappropriate comments that not once you mentioned the god awful acting of Lauren German”.

Oh please forgive me Rayne. I forgot that mediocre acting on a mediocre police procedural was on the same level as the titular character of the show sexually harassing the female lead of the show (because that’s what that is) throughout the pilot episode. Allow me to bend the knee to your superior –

Haha.

No.

I’m just kidding.

Rayne THEN proceeds to inform me that “As you’ve likely misjudged I am very much female and almost feminist in my behaviour yet somehow I do not feel the slightest bit offended by the sexual batter”. Lucifer spends most of the pilot episode objectifying Chloe’s body, embarrassing her in front of other men (because of her body), and speaking super inappropriately to her.

He’s sexually harassing her. He does that well into season one.

It’s gross and it’s inappropriate. It’s also out of character for the Lucifer introduced by Neil Gaiman and fleshed out by Mike Carey. I’ve read all of Lucifer. That was my bread and butter. I know the series inside and out. The titular character of that mediocre television show is Lucifer in name alone. To defend the show smearing Lucifer as a character by redicing him to someone that harasses women for fun is kind of super low.

I didn’t think I could be more disappointed in Rayne, but here we are. She claims to be a feminist, but here she is, not only lecturing me about race/racism, but dismissing sexually inappropriate and unwelcome banter.

At the end of their first comment, Rayne does concede a few points to me. She agrees that Lucifer telling seven-year-old Trixie that her name is a “hooker name” was inappropriate (but still thinks that it “sets down his character pat”) and that Lucifer shouldn’t have been a police procedural where he solves crimes.

But wait, there’s more.

It wasn’t enough for Rayne to dismiss my comments about the pilot episode’s racism and misogyny. In her first comment. Nah, this bored behind woman had to pop up in the comment section of my blog SEVEN MINUTES after her first comment to be a condescending douche in the key of Lucifer.

Let’s get into this:

Rayne decides that she wants to tackle my comments on dehumanizing by pointing out that Lucifer isn’t supposed to be human. Mind you, the one reference to a character being dehumanized was the way that Lucifer’s psychiatrist Linda Martin basically reverts to this “must fuck Lucifer now” mentality when introduced to him. Lucifer is surprised when Chloe doesn’t do this because ALL WOMEN apparently bow to Lucifer’s superior fucking pheromones.

So I’m talking about misogyny. Right?

You know where Rayne takes it?

Here:

This character is supposed to be effing Lucifer! Fallen angel, guardian of hell, prince of darkness… he’s not supposed to be human! Or behave like one… ugh, he’s supposed to be a vile creature, hating humanity, abusing it, using it… playing on all our worst traits.

Another sign that Rayne literally knows nothing about Lucifer the character is that she doesn’t understand that Lucifer is the most human of the angels in the DC/Vertigo shared universe. Lucifer isn’t Duma or Remiel who kept themselves separate from humanity. Lucifer literally left Hell in order to walk amongst humanity. He’s the only DC/Vertigo angel that really gets what it is to be human because he’s always been close to us. He’s not a being that hates humanity. He hated that he was stuck perpetually punishing people. He hated that he was forced into the role of the jailer, of humanity’s boogeyman. It’s literally right there in the Sandman and Lucifer comics.

If you don’t know that single, simple detail about Lucifer and why his television portrayal is so at odds with his comic portrayal, consider keeping your mouth shut.

(I’m talking to you, Rayne.

Shut up.

For real.)

Rayne then goes on to try and paint me as a special snowflake scared of shit by referencing movies that are almost older than I am.

Please never watch wire in the blood or heck even seven or silence of the lambs, because what those serial killers do is SO Dehumanising, you’ll be shocked beyond belief, far worse than funnily dangling someone from his stereotypically hip hop fat golden chain!

I think Rayne needs to reread my review because none of this even makes sense. I reference how portraying a psychiatrist suddenly going sex-wild (and telling him her client’s secrets) for the chance to bone Lucifer felt dehumanizing and she is all like “well you couldn’t handle real dark movies with serial killers”.

But hey, I guess reading comprehension must be difficult when you’re busy being a big ole bag of dicks.

Hopefully, now that Rayne has gotten the attention she craves, she’ll move on and do something productive with her sad little life. Because none of this was any of that.