Tag: parasocial relationship

“I Didn’t Expect To Marry Him… But I’m Still Hurt”: Revisiting The Parasocial Relationship

Stitch

Note: By the time this piece eventually came back to me as a thing to publish, Yuzuru Hanyu and his wife had divorced because of harassment from his fans, Taylor Swift had moved on from Healy to a football player with a mid digital footprint, and… I have no idea what Doja is doing with her love life. Normally, I’d fully scrap the piece but… it’s too good to jettison despite being Old News at points.

“Kick out Chen and Chanyeol who are hurting the group, Stop deceiving the fans, EXO doesn’t need vicious members, Chen and Chanyeol OUT”

This is a message plastered across a mobile billboard that was apparently stationed outside of SM Entertainment in summer 2023, calling for the removal of two of the group’s members. While fans’ ire towards Chanyeol stem from rumors that he’s a serial cheater who causes damage to his group’s reputation, the reason why the fans want Chen gone? He got his fiancée pregnant before marriage and before enlistment a few years back. From the second that his relationship – with a non-famous woman – was revealed, several EXO-Ls, the group’s very vocal fanbase, and unaffiliated Korean internet users (of course) took to the internet and made it known that they weren’t pleased and that they thought his relationship ruined EXO’s reputation in the public eye.

When it comes to the love lives of idols, Korean fans have been associated with being extra possessive of their fandom objects: the idols and actors that they adore.

Because of the nature of the idol-fan relationship – one where idols actively participate in the parasocial relationship as a form of marketing and fans can win opportunities to interact with their idols one on one in the form of in-person and virtual events – the deep relationship that develops is intense and can become negative on the part of the fans who believe the idol-fan parasocial relationship is a) mutually intense and b) something that gives them the right to dictate their idol’s behavior and comment on it as well.

However, that’s not to say that Korean fans have cornered the market when it comes to raging or weeping when their fandom object gets in a relationship or has children out of wedlock.

They most certainly do not.

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Life As A Symbol

Stitch

I’ll talk more about this in detail – as in a proper essay, not an off the cuff blog post – one day, but it is weird being a public figure of any kind and a symbol before you’re a person. 

For starters, everything I say has weight… but it’s not usually the weight I attribute to it or intend? If I say I like something, there are people who assume it must be an incredible and insightful piece of media that gives amazing moral messages. (It’s not. It’s usually a villainess webtoon with at least one siscon and at least two yanderes)

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Stitch Talks Ish: Season 3/Episode 4: this is not a podcast about benedict cumberbatch

Stitch

On our latest episode, I caught up with Tabitha Carvan, author of the book this is not a book about benedict cumberbatch:  the joy of loving something — anything– like your life depends on it

Tabitha’s book is a callback to everything that I loved about Sherlock fandom and what does make fandom so good and empowering even with its rough spots. We had a great chat about what we love, how we love it, and what are some of the best parts of being in a fandom!

this is not a book about benedict cumberbatch  is out May 31st wherever you buy books! pre-order it today!

Show Notes

[More show notes to come! Ping me if you catch something that needs a ref!]

Stitch @ Teen Vogue: On Parasocial Relationships and the Boundaries of Celebrity

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Another negative example is the way that parasocial relationships can develop for people who aren’t actually celebrities thanks to the increasingly blurred line between creator and consumer. Anyone with a platform is someone who other people may develop a parasocial relationship with. Even I have been the object of other people’s parasocial relationships. I have my own fans (and anti-fans) that think they know me and have developed their own relationships with other people online over their perceived relationships with me or based on the content I have created! It’s incredible… and also occasionally terrifying to realize that people have created connections between you and them that do not actually exist and are reacting to you (sometimes very negatively) because of that.

As someone who’s careened through different celebrity fandoms over a lifetime in fandom, I love talking about parasocial relationships. I feel like I’ve always been in at least one, honestly!

The four people on the cover image for this piece – comedian John Mulaney, BTS leader RM, actress Zendaya, and Japanese rockstar Miyavi – are all people I’ve had some level of parasocial engagement with. In Miyavi’s case, I’ve been parasocial-ly interested in him for 16 years, over half of my life. I follow him and his wife Melody (whose music I did love back in the day) on Instagram and when they announced that they had a son back in February, I think I crowed about that kid like he was one of my friends’ kids.

Parasocial relationships, at their base are pretty neutral. It’s the behavior that fans bring to the table – and, sometimes celebrities actually – that shapes it to be positive or negative.

I chose the quote I did, about how people who aren’t celebrities can be subject to parasocial relationships, because it’s something that affects me to this day. As I showed in my latest WFRLL piece, a lot of strangers on the internet are deeply attached to negative parasocial relationships with me and they do use that (and their racism, obviously) to excuse the frankly horrifying way they talk to and about me, heaping on racist abuse because… they think they know me and that I deserve their (mis) treatment.

But then, as someone primarily in a celebrity-oriented fandom (BTS’ ARMY), I’m seeing positive aspects of the parasocial relationship every time I sign onto my account. Every time one of “our” guys posts a selfie, updates us on Weverse, or does… pretty much anything… we all come together to shout in glee and unpack together. That part is pretty good.

Ready to learn more about how parasocial relationships are largely neutral up until fans do something to change that? Check out “On Parasocial Relationships and the Boundaries of Celebrity” @ Teen Vogue!