Several weeks later, it remains horrifying that Dreamwidth co-creator Denise/@rahaeli (bluesky and Twitter)/synecdochic on Dreamwidth chose to unmask as an unhinged racist anti of… me.

To this day she continues to slander me based on the words of five to fifteen POC Too that she can’t provide any links to in public, even moving it to BlueSky and other platforms where even less people will see me dealing with this harassment and defend me.

In her sick sad mind, it’s just as if not more important to hold me (a single stranger with a frankly microscopic platform, limited power in fandom, and (likely) no relationships with the people making these false claims of racism, harassment, and abuse) accountable as it is to hold the Organization for Transformative Works accountable for… what is at this point a documented mistreatment of volunteers that includes racism, harassment, abuse, and falsely accusing one volunteer of disseminating CSEM to the other volunteers.

And of course, this is ultimately because of the Star Wars fandom. It is always about the Star Wars fandom and Reylo shippers’ decision to harass me for close to a decade for Fandom Hate Crimes they somehow don’t ever seem capable of providing proof of.

At this point, I promise that if I somehow get access to a time machine… once I finish my to-maim list, I’ll go and break my computer in 2015 or never get into Tumblr in 2009 or start doing sports in 2002 so I will never have had to engage with Star Wars or fandom at any level.

I promise. I’ll take care of it.

But in the meanwhile, can we just talk about the double standards at play?

It’s clearly fucked up and wrong for Elon Musk to leverage his (purchased) platform to harass marginalized people based on bad vibes but Denise can lie about me in wild and actually racist ways while using her (co-created) platform and legitimacy to try and destroy my life and that is… justice? It’s fine. It’s good in fact? It’s necessary on multiple levels to go out of your way to harass me… even if that ruins your credibility about the thing you’re actually good at? Because I’m supposedly so mean and horrifying that you have to join people who dislike me in ruining my life and reputation based on… Bad vibes and lies and a refusal to let me be a person in public without turning that into a problem?

And to say “I don’t condone anyone harassing stitch” as she lies about me based on the words of harassers who publicly keke about harming me… That bitch is the harasser in the room. My god. Talking about some “stitch called Black reylos oreos and said they weren’t really Black because they shipped it”. I know what I’ve sounded like for my entire life and if you ever saw me call someone an Oreo, you’d have screenshots because again… I know what I sound like and the hypocrisy would need to be called out.

(Also, how would shipping Reylo make you not… Black… That doesn’t even make sense as a thing I’d say to or about another human being as a Black person with hobbies not linked with Blackness?? Surely you’d have proof of me saying that specific thing to someone? Or is it that I accidentally assumed someone’s identity and thought they were white when they said something wildly racist in 2017 and they decided to make that personal?)

It remains wild, by the way, that I appear to be the only person not allowed to defend themselves (or have others defend them) in fandom with proof and the only person that’s forced to be nice to people… who go out of their way to interpret everything I say or do in the most malicious way possible. People keep bringing up that I called that one girl a “PickMe”  – literally the only time I’ve ever said a single person was a PickMe and it was over her saying the Mammy trope in fiction wasn’t racist because… real Black people were Mammies in real life. And beyond how, again, she sure did call me a bitch in direct response before (months later) racist proshippers forced her to leave twitter for calling out racism from that side of fandom…

My use of “PickMe” still isn’t racist.

PickMe isn’t a slur. Non-Black people don’t get to call me racist for using it to describe a pattern of behavior that leads to undermining Black fans in fandom. Black people who think it’s a slur are just… embarrassing. You know the drill.

But yeah, on the subject of accountability: who’s gonna hold Rahaeli/Denise/whatthefuckever accountable for being a racist harasser high on antiblackness, her own fandom contributions, and what is apparently a truly horrifying amount of Benadryl taken on the regular? (I saw her say something like… 4x the label amount… Way to cook your own brain, I guess.)

Who’s gonna hold her accountable for boosting racists in fandom coming for my throat?

Who’s gonna hold her accountable for making her social media/blogging platform unsafe and inhospitable for, not just me, but other fans who give a shit about racism?

Who’s gonna hold her accountable for using her significant reach in fandom to hurt me and lie about me because she can while taking, frankly, kid gloves to the OTW/AO3 for actually hurting people?

Who’s going to hold her accountable for what is, at this point, a multiplatform harassment campaign that is fueled by her own weak racist moral core and a need to derail her own good points with shameless antiblackness for the lulz?

Who’s going to hold her accountable for being a fucking harasser, a dick, and a bully?

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I’m one person.

With one website, one column.

My social media following is half of Rahaeli’s. Outside of Twitter, I’ve never had more than 2000 followers on social media and I actually don’t whip my followers into a frenzy to harass others while lying about them and refusing to provide proof of racism.

I have been private on Twitter for years.

It’s not accountability to lie about me when you know people will listen to you because antiblackness is rewarding and harassing me is a fun fandom activity. It’s not accountability to spend years harassing me because I don’t like your fandom – aka “I’ve said something critical but true about your fandom re racism”.

Because I mocked you for defending racism in fandom in 2016.

Because I said something snide about your ship or the shippers.

Denise has 5-15 POC supposedly giving her proof of how I have done something to deserve almost a decade of harassment from fandom for talking about racism. That gets taken as proof that I deserve to have my livelihood at risk, my reputation destroyed, my relationships ruined, someone still trying to get me arrested, and the loss of yet another social media platform (because the fuck I look like using Dreamwidth after the co-creator comes out swinging against me based on Fail Fandom Anon lies and hurt ass feelings??)

But the actual proof that we have that people stalk me, stalk my friends, lie about me, purposefully misrepresent my words as personal attacks, blame me for shit on sites I don’t even use… That they’ve spent years having their gay little gamergate in queer/feminist fandom because antiblackness and harassment >>> self reflection… that doesn’t count. That doesn’t prove anything. Somehow.

Hundreds of people can tell you what they’ve seen me go through and what people have done to me for fun and clout in fandom, but hey… Denise has five to fifteen POC who got their shitty little feelings hurt because I don’t want to lick Kylo Ren’s boots as much as they do.

That totally excuses her hopping onto the harassment train and derailing her down damn points about trust and safety issues to then… become a trust and safety issue? That totally excuses hopping websites to lie about me and facilitate other people lying about me?

None of these people – who all are bootlicking for open racists — are holding me accountable, by the way, they’re just sensitive racist assholes who know no one they care about will say shit in my defense.

What freaking assholes!

Bonus:

Love me some wistfuljane on Dreamwidth and I appreciate the support from people ostensibly trying to help me like Imp… but it is wild to be implied to be a missing stair and an old but ever present danger to fandom with no power now when people have refused to acknowledge that they’ve been stomping on my face for almost a decade while pretending I’m a nobody in fandom and a massive threat to the same shared space.

If your support of me has to come with the caveat that I’m a massive bitch that bullied you by blocking you even though you literally don’t know why — shut up and tell it to your over-worked therapist?? Regurgitating lies and links to those lies doesn’t actually help me if you pretend they have some merit?? Like you’re insisting that you have to be fair to people who are lying about me and misrepresenting me but no one is fair to me? Not a single person “both sides”ing this shit is actually ever on my side as a person subject to almost a decade of vicious public harassment from racists in fandom because they take the most uncharitable and malicious reading of my work possible. They’re more concerned with covering their own asses to make sure they don’t get even a dot of the harassment I have been getting than they are about thinking about the toll their weak support (that always always presents the harassment I’ve been getting as criticism I’m too weak to take onboard).

Also, you’re all friends with openly racist bullies publicly planning harassment campaigns and celebrating hurting me?? All of these people are friends with people who are super shitty to and about me and have been for years but it’s my tone, my blocking habits, my articles that are the problem? My friends and acquaintances you bring up when tacictly supporting people trying to cost me my job and liveliehood and ruining my reputation?

Clean your mold-filled mansions before you try to make me go to jail for not asking housekeeping to handle my cluttered one bedroom?? I’m not a missing stair. I’m not harassing anyone. I’m literally not talking to or about the people insisting that I’ve done some harm to them. Use your brains, I beg. I’m a person being harassed for years in public and all that people care about is that I’m supposedly not “nice” when talking about racism on my own site and social media. My god.

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Sources

Prior to this:

• Reylo fans attempt to get black writer fired from Teen Vogue
• White Fannish Entitlement Strikes Again
• Facing Backlash For Anti-Racism… It’s More Common Than You’d Think
• Three Things About The Negative Backlash to Fan Service #2

So the shit Denise said happened in a mess of different threads, so this is a sourced list of those tweets/threads along with links to rebuttals.

Denise’s own words

• From her original thread on CSEM:
  • Tweet in the middle of the thread where Denise brings up EOTWR, unprompted, and its “foundational materials”Follow-up where Denise expands on what she means by foundational materials (though not naming me yet)
  • Tweet with something that is easily proven as a lie about me which is that I’ve supported mandatory archive warning for racism when I’ve repeatedly opposed it publicly
• Reply where she first names me and starts making her claims about Black fans being harassed by me
• dreamwidth follow-up post where she doubles down on all her lies
• Her QRT of Deepa’s thread (on how Denise’s accusations are all unproven) where she “clarifies her process” and names the 5-15 poc thing
• Denise replying to @blackqueeriroh where she admits that this whole thing is a derail from her original thread
• Her reply to Deepa asking her why she even brought up EOTWR and me without prompting, where she basically says she brought up EOTWR because she wanted to, and then people were calling her racist for not supporting it, so she “named Stitch to defend herself”
  • Follow-up reply to me where she says that she didn’t initially make accusations about me so…it’s all okay???
    (it’s not okay and she’s an asshole)!?
  • Tweet in the follow-up thread where she implies that we [fans of color calling this out] are the ones creating an unsafe environment for POC by asking for proof

Replies from other people directly to Denise pushing back on her

• Pushback on Denise’s original tweet naming me:
  • Meow: “Sorry to butt in as a stranger but stitch is my close friend so I feel the need to correct this. They never said shipping R/ylo is racist, they said R/ylos who were joining the harassment campaign against John Boyega (calling him a r/pist for a ship joke) at the time were racist”@void_pumpkin: “Do you have any evidence to back this claim, such as screenshots of stitch’s harassment and abuse, this antiBlack language, or the statement that shipping reylo is racist.”@prettyoddideas: “There isn’t any [proof]. The basis of this is normal black cultural discourse where everyone who is black is acting normal and white people jump into a conversation that isn’t theirs and tone police us for having opinions. Like genuinely I’ve looked. I’ve really searched.”@AllieSwearengen: “There isn’t any [proof], they are full of shit as usual”
  • @Amruta1009: “So no proof just false accusations got it”
• Responses to Denise’s follow-up thread QRT-ing Deepa, where Denise doubles down by talking about her process of evaluating the testimonies of POC…which we still don’t have proof of
  • Courtney Milan didn’t weigh in on the actual substance of the discussion (lol but expected) but pointed out that it’s not possible for Denise be “impartial” on this when she hasn’t heard from me@prettyoddideas: “This is an “MLK cheated on his wife” level of derailment. And is pointed when you explain that the only reason why you doubled down with accusations was because people rightfully questioned why you would bring up the protest in the first place if it was just to bash us.”Griselda: “This is one Hell of an accusation to make while providing zero proof.”@micro_lm (beginning of short thread):  “So what you’re saying is you made a judgement call by listening to one side of people conveniently aligned to your pre-existing doubts rather than also seeking out stories from poc on the flipside, who also receive racialized harassment for their support of stitch or their ideas”@BrandoBoySP (start of a short thread): “multiple fans of color have specifically pointed out how some harassment has come from fans of color that misrepresent Stitch’s points and consider any pushback to be yearslong harassment. how can we take you in good faith if you won’t actually engage with any of the points?”Mary Kimball: “Your behavior around this situation is really disturbing and leading to more harassment of Stitch. Please stop. I find it appalling that someone who co-founded Dreamwidth and supposedly understands the power of fan communities would chose to air vague accusations in this manner.”@generalfrings had a lot of replies to Denise but this thread is probably the most helpful/relevant, beginning with this tweet: “Sorry Denise, none of this addresses the fact that you deviating to criticize EOTWR and then pausing to accuse Stitch of being an abuser was unnecessary and counter-productive and has deviated the ENTIRE thing onto being abt that person. I personally spoke on it at length.”
  • Deepa also had a lot of replies to Denise at various points in her thread but this thread is the most useful to link, beginning with this tweet: “you could ask [us to take you in good faith] if you were posting in a space where people knew you personally and where your words & platform did not have the same potential to escalate harassment towards stitch. i don’t have any sense of why i should trust you”

Other threads breaking down Denise’s bullshit

responses to Denise’s original comments (her initial thread + her follow-up dreamwidth post)

• @renay
• pearwaldorf (hilarious because we do have light beef dating back to the pre-Black Panther days when she purposefully accused Black fans of censorship and anti fandom for actually trying to curate antiblackness in fanworks out of our space)
• Dr. Rukmini Pande
• no_detective
• naye

Then Deepa posted this thread about why it was all fucked up and Denise QRT-ed it, so these are more threads/posts breaking down her bullshit after that:

• Deepa’s follow-up thread
• naye’s follow-up post
• no_detective’s follow-up post
• amara1783
• @tanndell
• thingswithwings
• clevermanka
• two tweets by @injiver, the second one being the most relevant: “Also I simultaneously believe that racist harassment is nigh impossible for white people to spot, so adding it to the TOS would put an undue burden on BIPOC volunteers, but despite that I can definitively determine that *these* emails qualify.”

At the end of the day, fandom is choosing to watch people with actual power in fandom go after me and lie about me across multiple platforms while dismissing any attempt to clarify and explain how this is part of an almost decade-long harassment campaign stemming from white guilt mutating into white violence.

If you think “PickMe” – used directly about one person for something actively fucked up but broadly as a concept like “PickMe Girl” – is racist but not… lying about me for years with no proof of even the barest engagement with the people who claim to be harmed by me and who are supposedly sooooo scared of me that they can’t show a single archive link to where I said A, B, or C to them (while also refusing to leave me alone when I’m certainly not engaging with them) …

Eat shit and hold yourself accountable!

Kthanxbye!